growing up, i dont remember my dad yelling at me when i got in trouble
he yelled when i was playing outside and he wanted me in for dinner, but that was only so id hear him. he yelled the day i told him and my mom about the abuse going on at school, but that was when i was up in my room and he was downstairs yelling over my special ed teacher abusing me and my classmates and the school letting it happen and how messed up it was. he yelled the night he went to kill my uncle cuz he was upset that my uncle had raped my cousin
but he never yelled at me. i wasnt afraid of him screaming at me or worried that he might hit me when i got in trouble
and i grew up just fine. i grew up feeling loved. i grew up able to talk to him about my hobbies and interests. i grew up comfortable around my own dad
its messed up that my experience was something many people i know never had. a lot of those people feel distant from their dad or tense around them. they dont connect with their fathers, and that is a fault on the fathers part. and that issue is yelling
‘but hermes how did he discipline you? maybe you were just a good kid?’
im really disorganized, and god i was much worse when i was younger. i didnt finish my homework a lot then either
so when wed get a note home about my incomplete homework and disorganization, my dad….didnt yell at me. wed go about our day and when we were alone, hed bring it up. he was always gentle about it and he took ‘i dont know’ as an answer when he asked me why i had trouble finishing homework or organizing
according to my mom, enough ‘i dont know’s led to me getting my adhd diagnosis
and like…..i got better with organizing and finishing work. why? cuz my dad helped me. he sat down and helped me with my homework. we made a system that helped me finish assignments. he helped me organize my backpack and folders. i still use these systems even though im older and hes not here
when we moved, i didnt like my new special ed teacher at first, mostly cuz i was afraid shed be like my old one. i skipped going to her room a lot. i did whatever i could to avoid her
and so my dad asked me why i didnt go to her class. he asked me while we were doing something we liked, he was gentle about it too, and he had never been even vaguely threatening to me before……so i felt comfortable telling him i was scared
he helped me with this too. he told me to write down everything that happened in special ed and keep the page, so id see after a period of time that she wasnt going to abuse me. he worked with my special ed teacher for us to interact outside of a classroom environment for a little so i wouldnt feel pressured or that she had power over me
yelling isnt discipline. yelling doesnt teach your kid to do the right thing. building trust with them, accepting their answers, and helping them overcome difficulties teaches them to do the right thing
the fact that people in the notes are genuinely shocked that a parent doesnt yell at their kid and wish that their parents were like mine is fucked up
Children are children, and they shouldn’t ever be scared of those who are supposed to love and take care of them. Theres absolutely no reason for it. None.
This painting right here, the boy…a boy is gonna be one of those paintings in like 30 something years, you’ll see in artbooks for college. I can feel it in my bones.
